


i'll never forget it

by hypnoticziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional, Eventual Happy Ending, Happy Ending, It's okay though, M/M, Niall cries, OT4, OT5, Other, Threats of Violence, but not that sad, it's a lil sad, kinda sad, liam is angry, they're all mad, they're okay, zayns house is messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 18:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3947365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypnoticziam/pseuds/hypnoticziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Leaving? Where’re you going?” Niall had asked a minute later, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Are you leaving London? England?” He asked, and Zayn could tell he was genuinely confused, as the rest of the boys. </p><p>-</p><p>(Or, the one where Zayn tells the boys he's leaving the band.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll never forget it

**Author's Note:**

> i know it's the middle of may, but i'm still not over zayn leaving. this is a short fic, kind of a drabble about how i thought things went down when zayn told the boys. enjoy.

-March 19, 2015-

 

Zayn ran his hand through his loose hair, tugging at the long strands. He was stood in his home in London, pacing around the living room; which was a right mess. He had his clothes thrown here and there from when he was packing for tour, empty mugs, pieces of trash, and it wasn’t helping him calm down one bit. His breathing was ragged as he kept his fast-paced walk back and forth, his hand still tugging at his hair (a bad habit he picked up when he was stressed, which seemed too often now. He considered shaving it all off so he could break the habit, if he’s being honest.) He knew he only had about ten minutes before the other four boys showed up to his home, but he couldn’t bother cleaning up. He knew he looked as shit as his house did, not being able to sleep properly for the past month or so. The bags under his eyes were darker than ever, his hair was greasy, he had his clothes on from last night, his lips were bitten raw and his shoulders were slumped. Zayn could really care less about what he looked like at the moment. 

 

Yesterday, he had taken the first flight to London from Hong Kong, straight after the concert. He had called the boys shortly after and told them he was unwell for the rest of the leg of the tour, asking them to fly up to London so he could speak to them. Zayn knew the boys could tell something was up, and if it was because of his shaky voice, or him crying at the concert last night, he wouldn’t know. Today would be the day that he had explained everything to them, and to say he was scared would be an understatement. He was petrified. Zayn stopped his walking to take a deep breath, rubbing at his eyes. He knew he needed to do this, he had to. It was tearing him apart, bit by bit and he couldn’t handle it anymore. 

 

The doorbell rang, echoing through his fairly empty house. Zayn flinched, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts he couldn’t comprehend. He could already hear Louis through the door, biting down harder on his already swollen lip as he slowly made his way over. He took another deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth, before unlocking the door and opening it. He was met with four happy faces, all greeting him. “Hi, boys.” He murmured, mentally cringing at how gravelly his voice sounded. He pushed the door aside, letting the four into his home, feeling a bit ashamed now at the mess, even though he knew that Louis’ and Niall’s houses were far worse. He closed the door after they all entered, leading them to the living room. He cleared the beige couch quickly, tossing all the things on it to the floor. “Tea, anyone?” He asked, trying to buy some time. He clasped his hands together so they’d stop trembling so much. 

 

“Nah, we all had a big lunch at the airport. We left our drinks in the car, ‘s fine though.” Niall answered for them all, nudging Harry when he was going to ask for a cup. It seemed like he knew something serious was going on, and drinks could wait. 

 

“Yeah, right, now sit and tell us what you needed to.” Liam spoke, smiling warmly at Zayn. Zayn wanted to cry at that point, he felt incredibly guilty. He knew Liam wouldn’t be smiling in a few minutes, and the thought tore him apart. 

 

“We didn’t fly ‘cross the globe for your tea, asshole.” Louis chuckled, scooting further back into the cushions of the couch, making himself comfortable. He watched as Harry gave him a disapproving look, shaking his head before turning to look at Zayn, whose stomach churned.   
“Anyways – what happened? You sounded upset over the phone last night. Do you need us to take care of you?” He asked. 

 

Zayn offered him a small, tight lipped smile, shaking his head as he took a seat on the footrest, so he could be in front of all the boys as he spoke. “No, no, but thanks. Um, I-“ He broke his sentence, scratching at the back of his neck. It was now or never. He took a deep breath, feeling the room slip into something more concerning and serious. “I’m leaving.” He blurted.

 

The deathly silence that followed after made him feel as if someone had wrapped their hands around his throat, and squeezed harder and harder. 

 

“Leaving? Where’re you going?” Niall had asked a minute later, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Are you leaving London? England?” He asked, and Zayn could tell he was genuinely confused, as the rest of the boys. 

 

Zayn shook his head slowly, the collar on his shirt too tight now, his skin feeling itchy, his hands trembling from their positon in his lap. “I, uh, I’m going back to Bradford, yeah. But, like. I’m- I’m leaving the band.” He spoke quietly and slowly so that none of the boys could have misunderstood him. He kept his gaze on his quivering hands, feeling four pairs of eyes stair straight at him. Zayn knew that the boys could tell this wasn’t a joke, and he was partially thankful for that because he didn’t think he could explain how much this wasn’t a joke.   
“What?” He heard Liam question, his tone a mix of emotions Zayn couldn’t place.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, the words coming out like a pathetic whimper. His eyes stung, and he blinked quickly to stop the feeling of tears prickling at his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” He shook his head, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes. He carefully looked up at the boys, terrified for their reactions. Louis and Niall looked at him in disbelief, Harry with his eyebrows furrowed and a more disappointed look on his face – which killed him inside. Liam was staring at him like he was trying to see what game Zayn was playing at. 

 

“You’re quitting? Like, forever? I really don’t understand, Zayn. Why? Why are you leaving us?” Harry asked, his eyes filled with something that Zayn could only describe as hurt. 

 

“I’m not leaving you. I’m not.” Zayn quickly argued, his vision blurring as hot tears filled his eyes. He wasn’t leaving his boys, his brothers. “I’m just – I’m not happy anymore. This whole-“ he motioned around the air, like it was representing his career. “thing, it’s not working. It’ s supposed to be fun, I’m supposed to be enjoying it, but I’m not. It feels more like a job to me. It’s getting to my head, and that’s the last thing I want. I love singing, I do, but this is getting too much for me. I can’t handle it. I swear, it has nothing to do with you boys or the fans. God, I love you all so much, but it’s just all the pressure and shit, I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. I’ve been feeling like this for the past year, and I’ve let it drag on too long. I need to get myself together before I lose it. I need to stop doing something that I don’t love anymore, and that’s making me unhappy. I’m sorry, again.” He spoke, trying not to fabricate anything. This is how he felt, this is why he left and he wasn’t going to lie about it. The boys deserved to know. 

 

It settled into quietness again, everyone processing the new information. 

 

“But, we’re all under contract for at least another half-year. How’d you get out of that?” Louis asked, looking the most emotionless out of the lot. 

 

Zayn licked his lips, lacing his fingers together. “I paid it off.” He murmured. 

 

“That’s like, nearly ten millions pounds, though.” Niall gaped. “You paid that much too leave?” Zayn nodded slowly. “You hated it that much?” He asked, sounding a bit hurt. 

 

Zayn unlaced his hands, rubbing a hand over his face. “No, Niall. I didn’t hate all of it. I loved touring and performing and spending time with you lot and all that, but the cons of our careers kinda just took over mine. There was a lot of shit building up and I need a break.”   
“A break?” Liam asked, speaking up after a few moments. He sounded angry, making Zayn’s skin itch even more, wanting to cringe. “If you need a break, take one. Don’t leave the fucking band. Do you know how many people you’re gonna hurt? How many fans are going to cry because of you?” He asked, his words seeping into Zayn’s skin like fire. He knew none of the boys would stand up for him, because Liam’s anger is what they all felt, but couldn’t say. 

 

Zayn flinched a bit, nodding. “I know. I know they will, and I know they’ll never forgive me, but I need to do this for myself, Liam. I want to be normal, I can’t handle the fame anymore.” 

 

Liam snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. “Normal? You’re in the biggest band on the fucking planet. Or, were in the biggest band, I should say. You won’t be ‘normal’. What are we supposed to do now that you’ve left? Cancel the tour? End the band?” He asked, his face turning a light shade of red. Zayn glanced at the three other boys, who were looking down in guilt – they felt the same. 

 

“No, you’re supposed to continue on as a band. Sing my solos, take me out of pictures, whatever. You guys are going to continue being the biggest band and I’m going to support you for the whole way.” He murmured, moving the loose strands of dark hair from his face. “Just because I left doesn’t mean that you lot have to end it. I know this seems like a shit decision, but this is what I need to do, okay? I know you’re mad and upset, I know. But this is something that I’ve thought really hard about for the past year. It’s been fun, but I need to settle down now.” He spoke, chewing on the inside of his cheek. 

 

“When are you going to tell everyone?” Louis asked, his eyes narrowed. 

 

“Management’s working on the letter to the fans. Um, they said somewhere around March 25th, they’ll release it publicly. On Facebook, or somethin’.” He spoke, settling his hands on his knees and squeezing, trying to relieve some of the emotions he had built up.   
“Can’t believe you’re actually leaving.” Niall muttered, a dry, bitter laugh leaving his lips. 

 

Zayn felt his heart grow heavier. He was always the most protective over Niall’s emotions, since he got hurt the easiest, and seeing him upset because of something he did made him want to kick himself. “Ni, I’m so sorry. We’ll keep in touch, though. We’ll talk on the phone every night, yeah? You can come visit me whenever, and I’ll come to one of the shows.”

 

Niall nodded, turning his head, but Zayn caught his eyes watering before he did. His skin turned a light shade of pink, like it always did whenever he cried. Zayn sucked in a harsh breath, feeling the weight of the world back on his shoulders. He stood up, grabbing Niall’s hand and gently pulled him up. Without a word, the two enveloped themselves into a tight hug, Niall’s quiet sniffling being muted by his shoulder. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the crook of Niall’s neck, trying not to cry himself. “I’m sorry.” He whispered to him, his arms wrapped around Niall’s middle. They pulled back after a full minute, Zayn gentle swiping the tears left on Niall’s red face. “It’ll be okay, yeah? You lot are gonna be better than ever.” He smiled softly, gentling patting Niall’s cheek. The blonde took a seat on the couch again, still sniffling quietly to himself. 

 

“So, is this a goodbye?” Harry asked, looking up at Zayn.

 

He quickly shook his head. “No, never. I’ve spent too long with you lot to break off our friendship. I think I’d go mental if I didn’t get to see you guys again.” He spoke honestly, his body thrumming. He spent the last five years with the four boys infront of him, and they’ll always have a special place In his heart. 

 

“’S gonna be fucking weird without you, bro. Everyone’s going to be upset for ages.” Louis sighed, his hand reaching up to scratch at the scruff along his jaw. 

 

“I know. I think they’ll understand though.” Zayn shrugged, pursing his dry and bitten lips. He looked at the boys, feeling a tiny bit relieved to see them not as angry and hurt as they were before. They still looked on the verge of either punching him or crying – maybe both – but he was just glad they looked like they understood why he had to do this. 

 

“’M still angry at you.” Liam muttered, looking at him. “Like, I’m so angry that I really want to punch you. Hard. But, I understand. Just – just know that you can come back whenever, okay? Like, no questions asked. We’ll always take you in.” He spoke in a stern voice. Zayn sent him a small smile, nodding greatfully. 

 

“Thank you. Really, I want to thank you guys for everything you’ve ever done for me. I love you lot so much, it’s ridiculous.” Zayn spoke quietly, his fingers clasping together again. “I’ll never forget any of it, you boys made my life so incredible, and I can’t ever thank you enough.” 

 

“Oh, c’mon boys. We’re all upset and mad, but bring it in, bring it in.” Louis spoke up, standing up. He held his arms out, motioning for a group hug. They all shook their heads in fake annoyance, but they knew that they needed this. The five of them wrapped their arms around each other, someone’s fingers digging into Zayn’s shoulder, another hand gently fisting at his hair. It was comforting. They had no room, but no one complained. The sides of their hips were pressed together, their hands resting on each other. It was no different than their first group hug, and it wouldn’t be any different than their last, either.

 

He knew things weren’t going to be the same, but their friendship would be. 

They would always be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. :)


End file.
